Yesterday morning, Tianjie industry ushered in the monthly all staff learning conference. This time, the theme is quite different from the past, focusing on the harmonious relationship between employees' families, with the theme of "family education - communication skills between intimate relationships". We hereby invite Mr. Cao Haiyan from Lin'an Federation of trade unions to be the lecturer of this training.

Mr. Cao said that in the family, husband and wife should pay attention to the principles and methods of communication. Sometimes husband and wife will quarrel with each other over some trivial matters, and improper communication will make the whole family atmosphere particularly heavy. The key to finding the right communication problem is to understand the differences between men and women in their thinking habits.
The main differences of thinking habits between men and women
Men tend to be straightforward, while women tend to be euphemistic;
Men prefer to solve problems, while women prefer to pay attention to feelings;
Men often complain that women are always talking about their own problems, while women blame men for never listening carefully;
Men's habit of communication is to talk about "results" first, while women's habit is to emphasize "process".
After recognizing the differences of thinking habits between men and women, we should also realize that good communication relationship has a premise, that is, the commonness of communication.

The commonness of communication: respect and cooperation

What is respect?
Mr. Cao first throws out a question for everyone to think: what is respect? "Respect others" is to see what they have experienced from the perspective of others. That is to say, we should have empathy. In the words of the ancients, do not do to others what you do not want.

What is disrespect?
There are five forms of disrespect for children: labeling, ignoring, threatening, comparing and judging.
Five forms of disrespect
1. Labeling: the act of labeling will strengthen its concept in children's mind, and the things you don't want to do are easy to develop in this direction.
2. Ignore: ignore the other party, do not allow the other party to have their own ideas, this is actually a very terrible kind of ideological shackles.
3. Threat: speaking to a child in a threatening tone will not only hurt the child's self-esteem, but also reduce his personality.
4. Comparison: parents compare other people's children with their own children, which virtually reduces their children's self-esteem.
5. Judge: it's disrespectful to define children easily and communicate with children with the tone of judge.
Let's recall that when we communicate with children, have we used the above five forms? No parents do not love their children, but sometimes in the wrong way, love becomes a burden and pressure on children.

What is cooperation?
"Cooperation" is what we do together, not what you have to do. The core of cooperation is that we all do it well together!
But in our daily life, when we parents face that our children do not cooperate according to what we say, we will feel very angry and even fear. Why? Because we don't think we have a choice. If we parents step out and think that there is a second choice or even more choices, we can cooperate well when we train our children to make their own choices.

02 four elements of effective communication

Next, Mr. Cao talked about the second part. She said that compared with physical violence, verbal violence is more hidden and difficult to detect, but it is often more harmful than physical violence. This kind of verbal violence, whether caused intentionally or unintentionally, can be regarded as "violent communication".
"Nonviolent Communication" is a way of communication to change this kind of violent communication. It focuses on the four elements of observation, feeling, need and request.

First of all, we should pay attention to what is happening, and be able to describe it with a neutral and objective attitude; secondly, we should learn to express our feelings and understand what needs lead to these feelings; finally, we should make specific and clear requests according to these needs.
This is more effective
(1) Observe the specific behaviors I observe (see / hear / recall / think) that contribute (or do not contribute) to my well-being.
You can say this: "when I (see / hear / think of what I see / hear)..."
(2) Feel how I feel about these behaviors (emotions, not thoughts).
You can say, "I feel..."
(3) What needs or values (rather than preferences or specific behaviors) are needed to make me feel that way.
You can say, "because I need / value..."
(4) Requests clearly request (not command) specific actions that enrich my life.
You can say, "would you like to..."
Cao concluded that through the use of Nonviolent Communication, we no longer only pay attention to the behavior of ourselves and others, but through observation and listening, understand each other's feelings, needs and requests, and interact equally and harmoniously with others in a sincere and pleasant atmosphere.

Soon more than an hour of sharing ended, everyone listened to the end of the meaning. In the family intimate relationship, we should "see more right, less correct", "more respect, less complain". Practice more effective communication methods. Family is a warm harbor of life. If the family is harmonious, the mood will be much better. The enthusiasm of employees in the work will be further improved.